Since two years have I been on the pathway of celibacy.
Celibacy does not only mean not to engage sexually but as well to be aware of our energy. To who do we project it to, what is the story we create in our head about a particular person, what are the desires and longings that come up.
What is this „special connection“ that we feel with someone truly about and is it maybe just a fantasy?
The pathway of celibacy has allowed me to explore all those questions on a much deeper level than I could have explored them without being celibate.
I realized how many times a special connection that I felt with someone was just a projection of an unconscious desire or a connection to a wound. Many times we feel connected to the other because he or she is representing the opposing parent figure.
I saw how I would feel this „special connection“ with the other but then through not engaging in any other way but a friendship did this idea and connection that I had to that person dissolved quickly and we would just be friends.
In the past would I probably just jumped into something romantic, idealising the other to then soon find out that this person is not that ideal.
And all of this comes from the father wound, the need to be nurtured by another, to be held by another, to feel save with another. All these attributes that we are truly meant to give to ourselves.
I feel celibacy was a radical way for me to truly see where these aspects were still playing out within me and where I wasn’t in wholeness within myself.
The longing for the other that would fulfil my unmet desires. I feel without the celibacy would I probably not be able to explore those aspects of myself on such a deep level, as the ego always finds justification on why to engage with the other person or why this other person is „truly special“. And through that would the shadow of loneliness and incompleteness stay in the shadow because the distraction of another person would take the opportunity from going deeper into it away.
I am so grateful for this deep cleansing and purification that this time of celibacy has given me and the level of wholeness that it brought me to.
I have to say some things that I had not considered while I was practising the celibacy was to physically connect with my yoni and my body on a deeper level.
I have realized recently how I neglected my yoni at that time. Sometimes did I engage in self-pleasure but it was not in the sacred ritualistic way that it should be and I feel that I was not connected to my yoni on a deep level to be feeling and meeting her true needs.
I was shown how much trauma there is still held within the facia of my yoni which is connected to unhealthy sexual activity in the past but as well to the suppression of the feminine and the patriarchal energies within my DNA. Even though I did a lot of energetic clearing through various practices and healings and I have worked a lot with my womb, my yoni was still being neglected.
It’s been a massive insight as well as a massive release to come to that innerstanding. As there are some patterns within me that I have observed and was not able to fully clear. I was shown how they are connected to the blocked energy within my yoni and I was as well shown how to clear them on a physical level which I am so grateful for.
I am now exploring new practices with my yoni egg as well as de-armouring of the yoni ( which is a very powerful yoni massage), yoni steams and sacred self-love practices. I am merging these practices with energetic exercises like breathwork that are focused on the healing and activating of the yoni, womb and ovaries. My yoni is so happy!
I shall share more about the details of the practices once I have explored them on a deeper level.
I feel these are really important aspects to bring in for anyone who ever chooses the pathway of celibacy for a while.
I know it might be something that is inconsiderable for some or brings up a lot of resistance but it is a super powerful way of working with the sexual energy and coming into a deeper level of centeredness.
Blissings to all of you Divine Hearts <3 Namaste